You've left me speechless, so speechless.

I'm not in the mood to document the trip Edinburgh today just now.
People always say they admire how I apparently don't give a fuck about things and just get on with my life. What, you think I don't sit in my bedroom, crying my eyes out, trying to drown it out using movies that usually make me happy? Does that make people think that I am so fucking indestructable that dropping, even just the tiniest, bombshell on me won't tempt me to start hurting myself again, especially if you actually knew about that?

I want to see my best friend soon but we're both so different in our interests that I wouldn't even know where to begin on asking her to go for a wander or something. When school starts back I don;t think most people even imagine what I'll be feeling when I see certain people again. I've missed Sarah so much. I didn't think I could be like this over a friend ever but I am and at this moment I would give anything to just hear her babble about nothing of specific importance or watch her write up endless notes that she eventually will try to explain to me in a simpler way.
While I'm on the friends subject can I just say that Lauren; you probably don't even realise how much you've made me smile and just generally make me feel better over the past while. I just wanted to say that, thanks.

Okay, so I apologise for doing this post - I know it isn't like the "normal" me, but things are finally taking their toll on me and I'm getting paranoid of everyone and getting quite clingly to some people (I think that Lauren is one of these people and I really do want to say sorry about that). I know all this, so if you bear with me for the next little while then I would be grateful, if it's too much for you to cope with my personal stuff as well then please just stop following me or whatever.
And now I think I'll say this one more time, I really miss my best friend and can't wait until the 23rd just so we can laugh about things no one else gets, be utter geeks, have her making me feel like I should just by being there, and just being us. I'm now going to go curl up in my bedroom, make my room dark red by closing my blinds, grab Cushy and stick on season 8 of Stargate SG-1, probably cry a bit, try and work out what the fuck I want to do about everything, and try and get onto at least the episode 'Threads' (which was aired on my 10th birthday!) by the end of the weekend because knowing that Sam and Jack are all in love will inevitably make me smile a bit.